They can sense the affection, recognize that some of it is coming from them. “That would be nice.” They liked how it felt last time, the way their mind had been quiet without feeling empty.
Avalon lets themself sink into the couch next to him, pressing themself against the arm. Their orb digs into their hip, and they unhook the carabiner from their belt, setting the bag on the floor.
“My new inmate is not someone I already knew, and I think that makes it easier.” Their instinct is to think of their inmates like partners, not subordinates. “I would rather be temporarily paired with strangers.” It helps them maintain distance.
"Easier? Huh, I usually had it easier with people I knew." As a temp, anyway. He hasn't been perma-paired with anyone he knew well yet. When he's been paired with people he knew, he mostly didn't do much he hadn't been doing already.
“It feels easier to keep my distance,” they explain. “I knew Root, so I tried to dig deeper and I pushed her away. With a stranger, I can learn about them, but I am starting with nothing and may not get to the point of pushing their boundaries.”
“You and I became friends, but I think that trying to form a connection with every inmate I had would end badly. Some people need an authority figure.” Avalon takes a sip of the sacra. “Eventually, I might find a better balance.”
“No black. I wondered if that would happen.” Shaw had asked if Avalon’s showed a lot of gray, likely for the same reason. Theirs had been fully colored a few times before their cheat sheet had changed, but after that it had always had some black, either as a barrier between other colors or like a veil draped over them.
“It means apathy.” They watch the yellow, the corners of their mouth curving upwards slightly. “The orb always has some black when I hold it, the same way Shaw’s always has some gray.” They may not be certain that it means the same thing for Shaw, but it makes sense.
The yellow remains when Avalon takes the orb, swirls of black and emerald green shivering over the surface. “I think mine will always be there. It feels more like quiet than emptiness now, though.” The difference between them is hard to describe, but it exists.
“In yourself, or in the people around you?” Sometimes his mind is quiet to them, but they have become more aware of the barrier that he keeps between his emotions and the outside world.
"In myself," he admits, "I keep up a good facade, but some shit around here... it rattles me." He's good at keeping other people from noticing how he's feeling, but he still feels it.
“Rattling people is likely the point. The things that happen here make us think and talk about things that we would otherwise avoid, or things that we would never have considered on our own.” They glance at the orb. “For example, I would never have gotten this without one of my Breach selves.”
Avalon takes a sip of the sacra, studying the glass. How much would they need to drink to do something like asking the entire ship to have sex with them? They have no idea. It may never affect them in that way. All they had felt last time was a kind of heaviness, but their mind had felt unchanged.
“I find the Floods and Breaches interesting, at least, even if they are inconvenient.” They want to ask why it rattles him and why he feels the need to put up a facade. “I would have preferred to avoid the last one, though.”
no subject
Date: 2024-07-31 08:55 pm (UTC)They can sense the affection, recognize that some of it is coming from them. “That would be nice.” They liked how it felt last time, the way their mind had been quiet without feeling empty.
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Date: 2024-07-31 09:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-07-31 09:19 pm (UTC)Avalon lets themself sink into the couch next to him, pressing themself against the arm. Their orb digs into their hip, and they unhook the carabiner from their belt, setting the bag on the floor.
no subject
Date: 2024-07-31 09:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-07-31 10:02 pm (UTC)“My new inmate is not someone I already knew, and I think that makes it easier.” Their instinct is to think of their inmates like partners, not subordinates. “I would rather be temporarily paired with strangers.” It helps them maintain distance.
no subject
Date: 2024-07-31 10:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-07-31 10:23 pm (UTC)“It feels easier to keep my distance,” they explain. “I knew Root, so I tried to dig deeper and I pushed her away. With a stranger, I can learn about them, but I am starting with nothing and may not get to the point of pushing their boundaries.”
no subject
Date: 2024-07-31 10:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-07-31 10:57 pm (UTC)“You and I became friends, but I think that trying to form a connection with every inmate I had would end badly. Some people need an authority figure.” Avalon takes a sip of the sacra. “Eventually, I might find a better balance.”
no subject
Date: 2024-07-31 11:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-08-01 07:21 pm (UTC)“I know.” They glance at Rawne’s eyes, then at their bag on the floor.
“Do you mind if I try something?”
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Date: 2024-08-01 07:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-08-01 07:32 pm (UTC)They lean over to retrieve their bag, then pull the orb out of it. They offer it to Rawne. “I want to see what it looks like for someone else.”
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Date: 2024-08-01 07:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-08-01 11:22 pm (UTC)“No black. I wondered if that would happen.” Shaw had asked if Avalon’s showed a lot of gray, likely for the same reason. Theirs had been fully colored a few times before their cheat sheet had changed, but after that it had always had some black, either as a barrier between other colors or like a veil draped over them.
no subject
Date: 2024-08-01 11:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-08-01 11:48 pm (UTC)“It means apathy.” They watch the yellow, the corners of their mouth curving upwards slightly. “The orb always has some black when I hold it, the same way Shaw’s always has some gray.” They may not be certain that it means the same thing for Shaw, but it makes sense.
no subject
Date: 2024-08-01 11:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-08-02 01:25 am (UTC)The yellow remains when Avalon takes the orb, swirls of black and emerald green shivering over the surface. “I think mine will always be there. It feels more like quiet than emptiness now, though.” The difference between them is hard to describe, but it exists.
no subject
Date: 2024-08-02 01:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-08-02 01:46 am (UTC)“In yourself, or in the people around you?” Sometimes his mind is quiet to them, but they have become more aware of the barrier that he keeps between his emotions and the outside world.
no subject
Date: 2024-08-02 01:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-08-02 04:10 pm (UTC)“Rattling people is likely the point. The things that happen here make us think and talk about things that we would otherwise avoid, or things that we would never have considered on our own.” They glance at the orb. “For example, I would never have gotten this without one of my Breach selves.”
no subject
Date: 2024-08-02 04:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-08-04 03:18 am (UTC)Avalon takes a sip of the sacra, studying the glass. How much would they need to drink to do something like asking the entire ship to have sex with them? They have no idea. It may never affect them in that way. All they had felt last time was a kind of heaviness, but their mind had felt unchanged.
“I find the Floods and Breaches interesting, at least, even if they are inconvenient.” They want to ask why it rattles him and why he feels the need to put up a facade. “I would have preferred to avoid the last one, though.”
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